The Machine Is Consuming Itself

It is eating itself away with its own greed.

When we look at this in the context of the university system, as one aspect of this, we see that they sell more and more degrees for jobs that don’t exist, (in universities around the world), and dangle the carrot of ‘social prestige’, ‘public acclaim’ etc, So they are attracting more and more people to spend their money, or sign up for a debt. They are selling it as a great opportunity to learn something that may or may not provide our downtrodden masses with all the answers that they might need in life to survive in the modern world, specialised to a field that they are interested in; one that serves the machine.

But what they are doing in the process, inadvertently, is educating the masses to wake up. The same masses that the machine devised the mainstream schooling system for; as a way of keeping them compliant, subservient to a patriarchal system, designed to adhere to a doctrine of absolute power, rather than free will. 

So we are waking up to our potential. We are sharing our knowledge with those around us. People are unplugging from their televisions and choosing to plug in to a reality that better serves their journey as an energetic being. Re-learning and re-awakening to the ability to see beyond the fabric of what is, essentially, an illusory reality, dictated to by our own projection onto it. Meaning that we are omnipotent. We are ‘the creator’. The creator is not some fanciful bearded man in the clouds casting his fear, vengeance or love upon us. That has been a part of the illusion too. The story of how we are separate from creation, and from each other. When really we are the co-creators of this world in which we live; of this universe. We are choosing our reality by the thoughts we think, by where we put the power of the present moment. We are the creator of our own reality. This is the ‘free will’ that the machine has worked hard to control for centuries.

And as a result of these paradigm shifts many of us have become free thinkers. We are the educated masses, (the 99%) who are waking up and realising that we are holding a ticket to a circus that we no longer respect, or have any interest in being a part of. A system that is dying, and one which is responsible for a world full of ‘shoddy products and even shoddier ideals’ (Terrence McKenna, The Challenge, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3Xca_aFTEo). So we are taking this newfound knowledge, and waking up. And before you know it there are more and more of us awake, and we are starting to develop a movement, that is spread out over the world, and calls itself by different names but is essentially the act of taking back ourselves; spiritually, physically and mentally.

While this movement grows and grows to the point where not only are we unplugging from the mainstream, and forming smaller, localised communities of like-minded people, but as a collective we are questioning the status quo. Asking how long we have been asleep? And collectively we are taking these skills we have learned and applying them to awake those who are still sleeping. We are organised, strong-willed and technologically aware of how to use the system to rally ourselves against those who would keep us slaves, shackled to an illusory reality, unaware of the immensity of ourselves.

We have all these educated people coming out of universities, with no jobs to go to, and no desire to work in them anyway, and they are looking for something to do with their time, so they are writing books. These books are all saying the same things in different ways and different languages but they are all talking about waking up. We have You Tube videos that talk about waking up. They talk about the shift. Everyone is talking about the shift. Reading, watching, listening, feeling, talking about the shift.

It is only the machine that is denying the shift.

We are the awakening that is happening right now, as the machine consumes itself.

There is no spoon…

I feel like I just had a brainstorm/lightbulb or an awareness of sorts about this intimate relationship business. Now I could be right, or wrong, and I’m open to discussion… Either way, it came about through thinking about a couple of recent experiences and I’d like to share my process  and how I came to this realisation.

I bumped into a friend that I’ve had a crush on for a while, recently, purely by chance. Oh yes, we’ve acknowledged that we have this physical attraction, on a previous occasion, and bumping into each other so serendipitously was both exhilarating and delightful.

So during this chance encounter, we spent some lovely moments in a garden, eating the various leaves and shoots, and marvelling at how we could eat a whole sandwich out of the garden (except the bread of course) and even the condiments (after tasting some hot mustard leaves and then a spicy horseradish leaf). And then suddenly while we were standing by the strawberry plants he leaned in and seemed to be about to bend down to look at them more closely, and as my heart went boom, boom, boom, I just knew he was going to kiss me.

And he did.

It was lovely. The fragrance of him. The moment. The kiss.

So it is that moment that I keep coming back to. That serendipitous moment of us bumping into each other at this place, and then spending this time in the garden, and the lovely kiss by the strawberries…

The funny thing was, that very morning, I had the realisation that perhaps I am not going to be in a relationship, and I let go of the idea of being with one person. I decided that maybe it was not meant for me. Perhaps I need to be on my own, so that I can grow at my own pace and have my own space of mind. Maybe I’d just be content with having moments of love and laughter and joy that needn’t turn into anything serious and heart-wrenching.

So, having let go of this desire to be in a relationship (or at least becoming willing to let go of it), I have this experience which causes my heart to vibrate just so and to feel a little bit excited about the touch and scent of a man. So as the time passes I think upon this experience in the garden, and I wonder about if there will be a next time that I meet this person, and another kiss, and so on, and so on… Then amidst all this lovely musing and reminding myself that I don’t want a relationship, my thoughts go to that place where I see clearly how things started with my ex-partner in a similar way, serendipitously, and innocently. So softly, and how they became so very hard and ugly in the end.

I remember how another friend remarked to me a few weeks ago that my ex and I made the deep connection at the point of this enormous physical attraction that we had for each other, and the mistake we made was that we tried to carry that on and build a relationship around it. At the time I wasn’t sure if it was true, but just now as I had my lightbulb moment of awareness, I see that it was.

So then I’m wondering if that’s what many relationships end up being… Two people meet at the physical connection, and then decide that it’s so wonderful that they want to keep experiencing this same feeling for the rest of their days, so they decide to keep it. Then along the way, they each grow in different ways, and as they do, one or both parties make all these sacrifices in an attempt to carry it on into a lasting relationship. And often, in the process they fall flat on their faces, or drag it out and then fall flat on their faces. Or they stay together forever, unhappily going through the motions and sacrificing this or that of themselves for the rest of their days. Either way it seems to end in pain and misery with so much built up anger at each other for not living up to be this fantasy person that they imagined they saw in that moment by the strawberries in the garden.

Which leaves me with the idea that it is ok to have this delightful, delicious physical attraction, to savour that moment in the strawberry patch, to be open to another moment just as beautiful, but to be ever watchful of the mind and vigilant to not allow it to dream past the physical attraction, and to simply see that it is what it is.

A delicious moment; nothing more and nothing less…

And that brings me to my next question, or thought, that perhaps we humans aren’t designed to be monogamous. Perhaps monogamy is buying into the illusion that there is only one right person for us. Perhaps there are many right people for us, and that we are supposed to be fluid and changing. Perhaps we are supposed to adapt as we change, and move on to the next person who will be better able to fulfil us as we grow, and us, them, and be fulfilled together, or apart. In my experience, people are growing and changing at very different levels and speeds, and unless both parties are compassionate and willing to grow and change with their partners, then there is always going to be that experience where one is sacrificing parts of themselves to keep the picture looking like that illusory idea that they have created together.

So, perhaps in the words of Neo from the Matrix, it’s not about trying to bend the spoon, it’s about seeing that there is no spoon. It’s all an illusion and we can choose to believe as much of it as we want, or as little. It’s up to us. Here. Now.

Chasing Tails and Chasing Tales

I feel like I am always chasing my tail and never really fitting in anywhere…

When I was in NA on the Gold Coast I never really felt like I fit in. Then here I am in Maleny and still don’t really feel like I fit in. And when I was at school I never really felt like I fit in. And then when I lived in Brisbane I never really felt like I fit in anywhere, except maybe for a few years while I was in the rave scene, but perhaps I am fooling myself and really having a drug addiction and hanging out with other people that have a drug addiction doesn’t really count for fitting in. Then when I was in my family of origin (when I was a kid) I didn’t really feel like I fit in at the time, but now I feel like I fit there now, but that might be because I don’t see them much and when I do I am a novelty of sorts because I live so far away that they don’t see me that often.

I did feel like I fit in when I was with my band ‘The Forky Road’ in Brisbane, and it was clear that I fit because we wrote some of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. (But then again, I am biased because I am the one that wrote them.) And am I just having rose coloured memories of those days? It was hard work keeping the band inspired and nagging them to come to jams every week. But they loved it, when they were there, as did I. We had some good laughs. Oh, I miss those days of creating with like-minded people. I could be as much of a dick as I wanted and sing out all my feelings in whatever way shape or form I wanted. Hip hop, bluesy, jazzy, folky, operatic at times… whatever it called for, I’d empty the well of emotion at least once a week, maybe twice if we had a gig coming up…

Is this a phase? Is this me ‘having a moment’? I’m not sure. I guess it is. Its likely that in a week I’ll be looking back at this blog and wondering why I was so honest, why I shared my heart so openly and wondering who read it, and are they thinking I’m a dick because of my realness. Then I will remind myself that realness is the only way to go because that’s me. Real. Ms Real. I should change my name by depol. Or whatever it is. Is it de-poll? I’m not sure. I’ve heard people talk about it.

Anyway, I’ve been listening to this ‘best of’ Sting album all night and its now on its third or fourth round. Perhaps its time to change the music… Perhaps that’s a metaphor for my thoughts. Maybe I should change the music of my thoughts. And yes, that’s definitely true, but I’ve been trying to do that for ages and haven’t managed to do so. I’ve tried writing it out and perhaps it is helping a little. I’ve written thousands of words over the last few days in my attempt to write this shit out. I was also painting before and that felt good. Its a slow process I suppose, this coming to where I am going. Its one step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time on this road to being.

Or is it? I’ve read enough Buddhist teachings and other worldly teachings that simply state that when we let go of grasping we are actually there, already. Oh, it seems so hard until it doesn’t. When it stops seeming hard, it suddenly starts feeling so easy… Funny that.

What happened to the thrill of chase? I used to love that. But now, it just doesn’t seem so thrilling anymore… I just want to be there. Already.