Its funny how things change as you get older. I have always been of the opinion that Birthdays are a time to party hard, but this birthday has shown a quieting, a maturing, an evolution of sorts where I am more accepting of myself and the moment as it is. That could have been attributed to my recent Vipassana journey but that whole scenario was fraught with not accepting the moment as it is – I spent 6 days out of ten fighting against my mind, and raging against the machine of the journey and how it showed up in my physical world.
I planned a birthday ‘party’ at my brothers house for last night and as I drove down to Brisbane from the hills, while chatting to my brother on the phone he asked ‘so who have you invited?’…… the question took me off guard for a few moments as I pondered the fact that I had invited no-one and that I did not know who I would invite, given that the majority of my friends reside in Maleny now. I felt myself go into shame for a moment, and fear that I had no friends to invite and my mind began to go into suffering. The social anxiety appeared at the corners of my thoughts, like it has done before, when I’m a fish out of water, or at least when I think that is so. But we are only a fish out of water in our own mind, because it is within our own mind that is the only place we are ever really a fish in water.
So I jumped back into the water and swam around in my truth and realised that it was funny, that I had forgotten to invite people, and maybe I didn’t need people, except the ones that were there anyway. And life seems to be a lot like that. LIke they say in that U2 song ‘what you don’t have, you don’t need it now…’
It ended up being 5 of us, sitting around in my brothers kitchen at the breakfast bar and drinking a few beers and wine, and talking about things that made us laugh. Sharing in the moment, effortlessly. And flexing the creative muscle, the one that fills my soul with strength as I sing deep and strong, a woman singing through me. or perhaps it was me singing with the voice of the goddess, the mother, the spirit of the feminine. But it was all of us anyway, the collective, coming together in that creative moment and pouring forth its energy through that little crack that lets the light in…
Its funny how things turn out…
I know just what to do……………….